Wait
by innocentwater
Summary: Written as a supplement to the end of the anime series [ep78]. This fic is designed to illuminate the Yuuram aspects of the ending while providing what happens off camera. Wolfram's POV. Designed to neatly fit in with the canon.


This is my first KKM fanfic that I've finished. I hope it strikes a chord with you.

Title: Wait  
Author: Innocentwater  
Rating: PG-13 max  
Pairing: Wolfram+Yuuri  
Genre: Drama, maybe?  
Summary: Wolfram's POV  
Comments: This is all basically in Wolfram's head, so he'll change from what he's thinking at one point in time to commenting on it in the present, etc. It's not stream-of-consciousness, but vaguely related to that.

Later comments: I'd like to thank everyone on the various LJ communities for their feedback on this fic! Your support is treasured!

**SPOILERS FOR FINAL EPISODE!** No cheating, people!

Wait  
_  
I watched you walk away._

Yuuri, you had done it-- you had saved our world. Yours, and mine, and everyone's, right here. You were told the gates would close, and you had to choose, and in that very moment, I felt my heart shatter and the pieces grind like crystals in my stomach.

Do I dare ask you to stay with me?

You cannot know this: That I love you, and you are dear to me beyond all reason. You could never know this as deeply as I have felt it. And I knew that asking you would be wrong. It would be so wrong for me to be selfish just now, as much as I yearned and begged in my mind for you to turn around and say, "I can't leave this place. My fiance is here." Never, ever...

And I made a choice. I was thinking of you, Yuuri, and your happiness. Have you ever known how much it means to me to see you happy? When you're not being a wimp... and sometimes even when you are. I wanted so very much for you to be happy, no matter what that meant. I love you, and this is why I had to tell you, against all the raging, searing feelings inside me, to leave.

Go to your family, Yuuri.

You would not be that cruel.

How could you leave them for me?

And I knew I couldn't pull through. I knew part of me would die forever. I wanted this whole time, desperately, to be accepted by you-- as a friend and as more than a friend. Yuuri, you slapped me! You didn't mean it that way, but I felt something.

There should be no shame in giving of yourself to someone you love. And I am obligated to love you-- by everything that you are: a wimp who saved the world. But it did not obligate you to love me. I couldn't express this awful thing inside me that made me reach out for you in my mind, to find myself restrained.

You left, Yuuri. You did not dare to turn, when I felt myself overflowing. It had become so much to bear, and I did not know if you understood at all. Perhaps you did not turn because you knew I cared. Maybe it was because you were already missing everyone else. I'd like to think it was because you knew you would miss me. I'd like to think that it was because part of you, at least, loved me, in some way, and that if you saw my face, you wouldn't be able to take those last few steps. Could you?

Yes, you said goodbye. And I heard it as,"Goodbye, forever." Because forever is how long I expected to be without you. It took everything in my body and soul to not follow you-- did you ever know how much I wanted to follow you, if you would not stay here with me? I imagined it... but then I saw your family, your life outside of Shin Makoku, and I couldn't bare to change it anymore.

Leave me, I thought. Please don't, but you will, so I'll ask you to, because that is the only way I can keep from begging you to stay, and my heart from grinding into needles and knives more than it has already. I can't bear to be rejected. Not now. Not when it's this much.

You left, and that was it. Everything closed. Suddenly things were level. The land was peaceful, but my heart was not.

Initially, I could not sleep. I was tired, but I couldn't stop thinking about you, obsessing on and over you, long enough to close my eyes for more than a moment. Greta was heartbroken, but she thought of you well. When I would cry, Greta would come to me and say, "Don't cry. Daddy is with his family. I miss him, too. But you're my family, and I'm your family, so please don't be sad. It'd hurt his feelings."

And this is the way that I patched the pieces of glass into a deadly but contained ball inside me. If you take a thousand knives, and you put them all together and wrap them in cloth after cloth after cloth-- they're not as sharp. They're dull, and they're still there, but they can't hurt you as much as if there was nothing between you and the metal.

I thought about you every day, Yuuri. In more ways that simply grieving. I began to associate everything with you in some way. I would see a beautiful woman and think, "That cheater!" And I would then remember how much I loved that cheater. I couldn't eat without you in my mind. Silverware! It always was reminding me of your face, our engagement, all these promises unintentionally made that became a part of me. The children here would play baseball, and I would think, How happy this would make Yuuri!

I began pouring myself into other places, hoping to seep into the cracks until I became part of what was there, and no longer a part of what I dreamt when I began again to sleep. If my waking moments were not enough, you were in my dreams, always. It's hard not to cling to a dream, Yuuri. It's hard to realize you can't fight against something that does not exist. Or protect it.

So I painted and took up many tasks. Being busy began to help me. Eventually, I would do something and think of you, in a past sense. Yuuri, you became the past for me. This was how I started to push it away, coming out of it, though I knew I could never forget.

Greta was a great relief to me, and my sole source of joy. She was still our daughter, even if you weren't there. My brothers sought to comfort me, but they did not in the same way that she did, because Greta has your kindness, Yuuri, and I truly believe, she is our daughter, as true as it could be for either of us not having born her; she was, and is, and always will be a piece of you I treasure greatly.

So, Yuuri, on that day, when I saw you, I had given up hope of you returning. When I heard your name, my face darkened, and these were my thoughts: "I still love Yuuri, but he will never come back."

But I felt something.

Everyone felt something.

Yuuri, I barely had the strength to keep my eyes open. I thought I would faint.

You had come back. To me and everyone else. In the middle of the fountain. In some fashion. With him. And Yuuri, you were...

Yuuri, you were beautiful.

And I never stopped loving you.

And this is why, Yuuri, when I saw you, I had to go to you. It took all of my restraint to keep from leaping at you, but Yuuri, I was so relieved. I was so relieved, just to see your face, your form, your smile, all of these things, right here, in front of me. You were real. It was really you. You were back.

So I came forward slowly, believing and being afraid of that belief that my wishes had been granted. I was suddenly aware of everything on a deeper level. I would have thought I would have felt and thought of nothing but you in that moment. Which is half-true.

Yuuri, the water stung with your energy. It tasted like tears to me. I never drank any of it. But Yuuri, the water was you. The world was you. This maybe, is why I felt everything, why I could nearly feel the air touching me, why the fire in me burned so brightly I could burst.

I looked at you, taking in everything. And your face, Yuuri, your face... was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. You are a beautiful, wonderful wimp. And it barely even occurred to me then, the strange parody as I knelt before you, on one knee. I was utterly enchanted.

You had the power? Oh, Yuuri, why didn't you use it!

It it was silly, so silly I couldn't laugh, because it was so powerful and part of you. You had the power all along. And this meant... This meant you could be happy. This meant I could be happy. Happy endings? I wished for them. Finally the stars were listening, Yuuri...

And suddenly the pain was fading so quickly. I wanted to know everything. Yuuri, how have you been? Did you miss me? Were you thinking of me? Why didn't you try to come here yourself? How did you not know you had that power? You're hopeless! What have you been doing all this time? Did you think of our engagement? Did you look at women? You wimp! Didn't you miss me at all? You missed me, right? Because I missed you! I love you. Do you love me? Oh, but it's so good to have you back. It can wait...

And all these thoughts, their own shooting stars, came together as a salve and as a glue. Did you know your smile patched me up? Healed me?

It did, Yuuri.

Yuuri, you have the power to resurrect dead fiances...

And everyone was overjoyed, so much. Everything was suddenly perfect in our world. In my world.

That night, when I came to you, Yuuri, when you were alone, I thought very much of asking you about our engagement, and about us. I needed to know, but I was still afraid in places, and too content in others. So I sat next to you, having been so quiet during dinner-- it worried everyone, but I was so busy taking you in.

"Yuuri," I said quietly, "You're..."

And you looked at me, your eyes wide, wondering no doubt, What is it, Wolfram?

"Wolfram," you said. Just hearing it made me have to clear my throat and close my eyes for a moment to keep from being too emotional then.

"You're a rotten wimp," I told you. Which wasn't true at all, and wasn't it me who told you to go? That's right. "Everyone missed you," I said. I missed you. And I wanted so badly to hold you. You hardly ever let me hold you. For once, I'd like to touch you without either of us being in mortal peril, or without needing a reason to be close to you. No reason necessary. And I crossed my arms across my chest to keep them from wrapping around you like they wanted to.

"I missed everyone here a lot," you said. I had to wiggle my nose a little to keep my eyes clear. Did you miss me? I'm part of everyone. But... I want to be more than that.

"Oh," I said. And I shifted slightly. You were quiet. I was having a good rant inside my head. Yuuri! I lay everything on the line for you! Love me! Care about me!

"What have you been doing?" you asked. Oh, now that was a stupid question! Stupid, stupid wimp. Lovable wimp. You're horrible.

"Things," I answered, "Painting." Grieving over you, you cheater! I was busy MOURNING my loss! I was wishing you were here. I had taken up to praying, not to anything or anyone, but just as an act, that you would somehow show up beside me when I went to bed at night. I wished on every star. Pillows aren't people, Yuuri.

"Oh," you said, "Good."

And I started to get a bit angry. Here I was, so grateful for you, and you were just, Oh, by the way, Wolfram, how's life? Life is awful without you, Yuuri! You wimpy, cheating...

And it must have shown in my face, because you said something.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you mad at me?" you asked. Oh, I could've killed you, but the truth is, I really, really, just wanted to be close to you then. So I didn't answer, but instead shifted some more... and that's when it happened.

I felt something touch my back and all of the hairs on my head stood on end. I felt goosebumps, and your arms around me. And you were a bit scared, I suddenly knew, afraid that hugging me would make me more angry.

"Yuuri," I whispered, and with my heart right there, beating so fast, I put my head on your shoulder and embraced you the way I should have when I first saw you back. It was everything I had wanted.

You didn't say anything, but I didn't care. I didn't need words to feel your warmth, and I didn't need any more confirmation that you did care, in some way, and that my feelings meant something to you, at least. I sighed.

Will you take me with you? I wanted to ask. When you travel back and forth, will you let me follow right beside you, and visit your family? My family? Yuuri, you were never married to me, but I was to you.

We sat there for a few moments, until we both felt just a little awkward, a little self-awares, and then, carefully, we pulled back. Your eyes were a little red, but you hadn't cried. I remember my eyes burning, but I can't remember if I did weep on you. If I did, you didn't say anything about it. But what you did say was this: "Mom asked me what happened, and when I told her what you said, she told me, 'Wolf-chan has a kind heart'."

And I blushed and squirmed inside to hear that.

"And I wondered what you were doing," you said. "I wondered if you were okay."

No, Yuuri, I wasn't okay.

I opened my mouth to say, "I managed," or "I was fine," but I couldn't bring myself to do it or to lie to you any more. But I didn't want to cry to you, "I missed you so much that I thought I would die." I'm not like that.

So instead I said nothing, and you asked me, for lack of something else, "How is Greta?"

And something went very wrong and very right in my head then, and I did something you will probably never truly understand.

I quickly leaned forward, kissed your lips for but a second, pulled back, and slapped you on the left cheek.

That means "I love you. I will be your wife."

And it meant so much more.

You blinked and looked at me, confused, face suddenly pink, and I must have been crying at that point, at least, because you had a single tear on your cheek that was not yours.

And I was finally brave, as much as I could be without trying to get hurt.

"We're getting married," I told you, "So we can officially both be family to Greta." You stared. "And you're going to take us with you when you go away, because we're a family and we deserve to see the rest of our family. And..." You were staring. I swallowed nervously. "I want you to think of me as the person who is always there at your side, and who wants to be." Staring. "And I don't want you to think of me as someone who will be left behind, any place else. I'm not Weller!" I exclaimed, my voice rising a little. "I'm your fiance and don't you forget it, wimp!"

And you stared. I began to regret and to doubt; but then your lips curved very lightly, slowly, until you were smiling sheepishly.

"It's hard to forget," you said then, "because you're always reminding me, even when you're not there. I hear 'wimp' in my dreams." And you made a face that might have been a grimace, but it was a grimace of 'I care'.

I softened first. Then I melted. Oh, you do think of me. How wonderful. Yuuri...

"Yuuri," I said. You scratched your head.

I didn't care about excuses right then. Not now, I thought. Later, I will, as I did before. But right now, I said to myself, I'm happy.

So you were a wimp. And a cheater. And you did care, not the same way as I cared, but, Yuuri, the rest of this can wait. Right now, you're asleep beside me, and it means the world to me that you're here, and that everything's slowly, slowly headed in the direction it should be.

Yuuri, I can wait for our relationship to be the way I want it to be. More important is knowning right now that you care, and you want to be here, and that I'm important to you. I think I know how it will go now. You're warming to me differently than you did before. This is the slow road to us. I will not kiss you again like that, but wait until you've caught up with me to express my love in that way. I'm in no hurry now that I know you won't leave me.

We're together, Yuuri.

That's all that matters.

End

Because Wolfram totally deserved some affection after all that! I hope I did it all some justice.

With love,  
--Laura

EDIT: I'd like to add that I wrote a companion piece to this one, entitled, "So This Is Normal." If you enjoyed this piece, please consider reading its counterpart, focusing more on Yuuri.

And, as before, thank you for your support. I appreciate each and every thing I hear from you.


End file.
